sporadic fulfilment

2010-10-25T13:35:00.004-07:00

i haven't been properly high in so long...i suppose that's a good thing.

2010-10-09T10:33:00.003-07:00

4 more days of school left!

so after pestering my instructors for several months to get me a pig's head, i finally got to spend the past week making head cheese completely from scratch...it was lovely fun chasing my classmates around with one of the eyes spiked onto a carving fork. the head cheese turned out pretty awesome as well.

also, evidently, your humble narrator is not the kind of girl to bring home to meet your girlfriend...

mass upheavals

2010-06-27T00:35:00.002-07:00

changes...let's see...

-broke up with boyfriend of 4-plus years late last month; things were rapidly going downhill, so i left before we could no longer remain friends. (see, if i blogged more often, this would be an impassioned play-by-play of emotional torment that y'all could experience vicariously -- lots more amusing.)

-moved out: i now have a private room w/balcony & a throughly normal, gay-ish roommate who is starting to realize i may not be the 'moderate drinker' i said i was.

-school, ironically, is the only thing keeping me sane & coordinated right now. i was probably the only person in my class who liked the month we had to do of butchery...i even got to take home & cook lamb brains (lots of work, doesn't taste like much) because i requested a head-on lamb to work with.

- i got 3 people to taste my brains.

- currently a week into a month's worth of learning how to wait tables in a formal dining room setting. i have to wear a blouse. and a bra. it doesn't help that i have no manners or social graces: i keep calling people 'you guys' & forgetting to use my side towel. haven't broken any glassware yet.

-i am most definitely not front of house material.

word of the day:

"carminative."

('medal' is now a verb)

2010-03-01T17:46:00.004-08:00

so the olympics are done, all the tourists are going home & the fancy, uber-expensive pavilions & public art are being dismantled & life goes on...

(i never did get around to spending $10 on a beer. or going on the zipline with its five-hour line-up)

working as a kitchen grunt ("second cook") for the stadium-that-shall-not-be-named sucked ass (as the kids these days say it). all i did was reheat food on an industrial scale & drink all the free coffee i could handle; the high point of my days was making the salads for the 2 ladies with food allergies.

maybe vegans are good for something after all.

word of the day:
pugnacious.

2010-02-09T14:09:00.004-08:00

what's been happening these past few months:

- got fired from my cashiering job. right before christmas.

- cooked my first christmas dinner ever: roast goose with couscous (dessert was chocolate mousse cake)

- quit drinking; for a week once, & for just over 3 weeks most recently - i'm currently off the wagon...

- i actually *like* school & am doing remarkably well.

- getting slightly excited about the olympics because i will be working downtown & i'll have to deal with the chaos & the tourists regardless of how i feel about the whole thing.

2009-11-16T12:29:00.002-08:00

first day of class over; i'm the only one who looks like she came in off the street. teacher already said i shouldn't be carrying a pocket knife.

i don't look forward to a year of wearing the silly hat. everything else still holds promise.

word of the day: "phylum."

2009-10-26T08:51:00.004-07:00

2 weeks until school starts !!!

i'm currently employed part-time as a cashier in a not-too-busy department store. (my first time working retail, by the way) it is run by a christian union & an alarming percentage of the employees & customers wear crucifixes of varying blingitude...i swear i feel my skin burning every time i go in.

also, the presence of customers makes my nose itch uncontrollably, & i worry that i look like i just did a line because i'm constantly trying to covertly itch my nose.

recent culinary awesomeness:

five-spice duck fat breadsticks, bacon fat confit of quail, & brussel sprouts cooked in goose fat with cream & bacon -- not all in the same meal, of course.

(guess my current obsession)

word of the day: "oedema."

updatage

2009-07-25T15:21:00.005-07:00

watching soylent green for the first time & being surprised at how *antiquated* it is.

so i'm to start classes in mid november & the first portion of my tuition is due in mere weeks, scrambling for student loans.

spent just over a month washing dishes at a mostly lunch crowd, mostly greek food restaurant, but got dismissed over ongoing pissing contests with the pre-existing dish guy; kinda bad, because i got along with everyone else there & they were doing beef wellingtons the day after i left - i'm sure i could have talked my way into helping.

there's a honeybee hive on one of the outside rafters of my house.

word of the day: "propolis."

now with 90% percent less beer money!

2009-06-17T10:00:00.004-07:00

still unemployed, just even broker than before. got my acceptance letter from vancouver community college for my culinary arts program; don't know when i'm starting, but with any luck, i'll be commuting downtown for classes every weekday during the olympics next winter (yay! traffic jams!)

the garden is doing well. this year i've planted 7 different kinds of hot peppers as well as some heirloom tomatoes, beans, & squash. the opium poppies are loving the sun but no sign of the pot plant yet.

...the urge to sell my books, pack up the cat & just leave town is still there. doing my best to not listen to it.

2009-04-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

i wish... out of work again, by the way.

2009-02-16T15:35:00.006-08:00

so now i've been doing the office furniture in the vancouver convention center expansion (yes, the overbudget, for the olympics, most-people-won't-get-to-set-foot-inside-the-place-even-though-their-taxes-helped-pay-for-it one) for the past few weeks, working for the guys i worked for before my most recent gig because they're enormously busy all of a sudden.

[lots of 'f's & 't's in that sentence...]

& the reason i'm mentioning that, asides from keeping my hypothetical audience updated, is that the boyfriend & i struck up a deal wherein he shaves his winter beard off a month early(it made the bottom half of his face look like a crotch) if i stop wearing my disintergrating leather with holes where the pockets used to be & now i'm stuck wearing a black velvet frock-coat to a construction site; i end up taking it off, turning it inside-out, folding it up & putting it in my bag the moment i'm on site, & then freezing my ass off during coffee breaks.

being right on the waterfront doesn't help either. i had my salad blow away one time...

word of the day:
"somnolent."

"in these current economic times"

2009-02-03T10:49:00.004-08:00

- got 'let go' last week from my job as a furniture installer, am looking for work with little sucess; going back to school is starting to look better & better...

-accidentally gave myself a bald spot on the left side of my head due to over-enthusiastic hair trimming. good thing it's not too warm for hats yet.

- january's rent still isn't paid off.

-smoked tobacco out of an actual tobacco pipe for the first time. it was less harsh than cigarettes but not as mild as smoking out of a hookah & didn't get me dizzy.

word of the day: "jeremiad."

2009-01-09T11:32:00.002-08:00

christmas was fairly low-key this year, chinese takeout & perogies for dinner -- mainly because we were snowed in, being in the suburbs & all.

going anywhere meant having to slog through knee-deep drifts of snow because nobody shovels the sidewalk & the city can't manage to plow the streets because we live in a 'temperate rainforest' & it doesn't ever snow here.

new year's eve consisted of seedy bar-hopping as per usual. my resolution for the year is to take up smoking, but only good cigarettes.

word of the day:
"chthonic."

as in: 'i would like a gin & chthonic, please.'

marathon

2008-12-01T11:07:00.006-08:00

had the runs all week...too much beer & not enough other vegetables, i guess.

smoked crack cocaine for the first time about 2 months ago; only did it once since. i liked its high better than the one coke gives me: i got the same hyped-up/jumped-up giddy feeling but without the paranoia & numbness. tastes better than meth too.

harvested many bucketfuls of tomatoes (cherrys, beefsteaks, & smoky purple ones) & a big bowl of chillies (serranos, cayennes, jalapenos, & little purple ones. the habanero didn't grow) from the garden, spent august-september (i'm 23 now, by the way) putting tomatoes into everything to use them up. all that's left now is the herb garden; planted some tulips under the fig tree. red, striped, & dark purple ones.

it's december & the grass is still green outside. that will never stop disturbing me...

work is going ok, got a steady job building office furniture some months ago -- there's still a lot for me to learn so i'm not bored yet -- i'm getting strong for someone my size, calluses on my hands & bruises on my legs. the only aspect of my life i don't lie to my parents about since moving out & they still freak out about it.

words of the day:
"havocado."
"actionable."

2008-07-08T05:35:00.003-07:00

nope, not dead yet...

the cat & garden are doing well, though the nasturtiums are taking over.

have not left vancouver except for a weekend a coupla months ago in victoria (- on vancouver island, not somewhere more exotic)

going on 2-and-a-half years with the boyfriend...

had a drunken breakdown & cut most of my hair off with my pocketknife in the bathroom of a bar.

feeling rather selkie-like these days, fighting the urge to run away from the ordinary & resume haphazardly exploring.

-- & i'm thinking of going to cooking school. hey, if i'm gonna learn a trade, why not pick one that's stressful, messy, & not all that lucrative? might drive me to blog more often.

is this what growing up is supposed to feel like?

2008-02-23T08:17:00.003-08:00

just finished a 3-week stint at an unheated & rat-infested warehouse where every day started with a small chinese man in a facemask banging a gong & shouting in heavily accented english that everyone should stop what they're doing & "clean poo poo" -- start sweeping up the piles of shit left by the rats the night before. the other 7.5 hours of the day were spent packing hippie goods into boxes, taping up boxes, measuring boxes, weighing boxes, & printing up labels for boxes; i got to inventory boxes too, just to switch things up a bit.

one hour lunches & 45-minute coffee breaks are your friends in situations like these. they also allow you to get fired without feeling too bad about it.

word of the day: smorgasboredom.

post-x mas carnage report:

2007-12-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

dec 23rd -- got really drunk while out visiting friends but i still had enough manners to vomit in my fedora as opposed to on the people on the bus; my hat turned out to be leaky so we still got kicked off the bus & had to walk/stagger to the grocery store to do the last of the christmas dinner-shopping...the boyfriend & i somehow managed to catch a cab back home. i have no recollection of it.

dec 24th - 25th -- woke up at 7am to start cooking, yours truly had multiple mini-freakouts because it was my first official 'proper' christmas. i was also hungover until about 2pm.

a ship of meat!!!

this is what christmas dinner looks like if one's dating a rabid carnivore who also happens to be: a professional chef, intoxicated, & obsessed with pirates. it's a deboned turkey (covered with bacon), stuffed with stuffing, on top of a 'hull' consisting of several racks of ribs (larded with strips of bacon & slow-cooked in bacon grease), on a 'sea' of mashed potatos & yams (covered in cheese). i was supposed to make the sails out of puff pastry, but we forgot to get flour the night before.

people started arriving around 5-ish, the booze started flowing tsunami-like, as opposed to merely torrentially when it was just the 2 of us. the party itself? you know, the usual blah, blah, drugs, yadda yadda, antics; presents got randomly handed out & opened around 1 in the morning & the rest of the party was spent wading through drifts of paper, trying to not step on those who'd crashed out & was semiburied by blankets & giftwrap.

all but a few went home to fall down & recover around x mas midafternoon.

the wreckage

dec 26th -- those of us still standing went to see 'aliens vs. predator 2' before disbanding. i had nightmares about meat all night.

yesterday -- spent comatose.

today -- i'm typing this after i had to pull a shit-encrusted piece of feather boa out of my cat's anus.

words of the day:

2007-11-28T10:06:00.000-08:00

"confussied."

"umwelt."

updates, updates, updates

2007-11-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

- got my impoverished, yellow-trash ass booted off welfare a coupla weeks ago & am scrambling to make my half of the rent by doing random & distasteful odd jobs like cleaning inches-thick layers of pigeon shit & feathers out of air ducts, & working with children.
- am doing initial research on setting up a small saltwater fishtank, now that it looks like i won't be moving anytime soon.
- i have started collecting antique teacups & jello cookbooks.

word of the day:

2007-11-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

"sweatheart."

give me whiskey or give me death. preferably whiskey.

2007-10-31T01:01:00.000-07:00

this is a header.

this is where something witty wiil eventually go & you will shower me with accolades for it because it is so damn clever.

not now though, because i'm too sober to be clever.

alt. productivity

2007-10-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

spent the whole of wednesday on crystal meth, & all of yesterday recovering from it... & yes, before you guys say anything, i know the shit's bad for you; it was a calculated one-time-only go at it, done in the company of people i trust, just so that i know what it feels like.

strange thing about it is, you don't even notice the high it self much -- you're just extraordinarily motivated, focused & hyper-aware: lot's of stuff gets done -- you don't get any visuals or any significant mood changes, it's the day after that you feel completely exhausted & kinda sorta realize that hey, you forgot to do simple things like eat or shower or sleep...

like i said, it's not something i'm gonna go out & get addicted to.

well, that was quick...

2007-10-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

found a new place already, just waiting to move in. it doesn't have much of a view or a kickass window big enough for 2 people to sit in -- nor is it directly above a bar -- like the old place in nelson did, but it is close enough to the skytrain that sneaking on & going downtown/wherever is no big deal, & at $670 & twice the size, it's about as close to spiffy as one can get in vancouver right now. gotta do something about the mustard-colored paintjob, though.

back in vancouver

2007-10-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

...& looking for affordable housing that isn't a slumhole or an hour commute to anywhere interesting sucks balls.

missing the boyfriend & my cat ('cause they, along with most of my stuff, are still in nelson waiting for me to find a place first) , seems like i've degenerated into a whole 'nother realm of cliched turmoil, doesn't it?

word of the day:
"pylorus"

all these things that i've done...

2007-08-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

haven't posted in a while & if i wasn't so intent on trying to keep something of a personal record of stuff that i can look back on when i'm senile & rickety & cackle at, i'd probably delete this blog.

- tried 2CI for the first time (about time i had a new drug to experiment with!) & didn't like it: too expensive & i spent the first hour or so of my trip lying all drooling & puking in the bathtub. acid is better.

- made creme brulee from scratch for a potluck-type thingie.

- gonna be moving back to vancouver at the end of september. can't believe i spent a whole year out here.

- have acquired a kitten some weeks ago; her name is toast.

word of the day:
"flummox."

last september was the last time i tasted chartreuse.

2007-06-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

got sucked into playing video games for the first time in my life & am now hopelessly addicted to grand theft auto: san andreas...there's just something gratifyingly wrong about beating virtual people to death with a big purple dildo.

words of the day:
"fop." & "sodderly."

thinking about making butter tarts with rasins soaked in orange brandy. still can't believe my life now revolves around Welfare Wednesday.

2007-04-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

my boyfriend folds laundry better & faster than me...

2007-03-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

popgadget

2007-03-03T12:21:00.000-08:00

snorted a couple lines of grape-flavored pixy stix yesterday just to see what would happen (it burned my sinuses horribly & i felt headachy for a coupla minutes but that was it: you can't get high off of pixy stix, apparently) .

that's how bored i am.

2007-02-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

...spent v-day with the boyfriend watching lost & drinking bottles of 20-to-30-something year-old beer i bought from the local antique store.

i'd urge y'all to go buy up all the antique beer you can find & horde & savour it like the delectably malty & highly potent liquid awesomeness it really is, but since when have i done anybody anything nice?

i am performance art.

2007-02-09T12:53:00.000-08:00

trying to liven things up by carrying around a bunch of bananas on a coat-hanger as my Random Prop of the Day -- still nothing beyond the usual eatsleepshitfuck happening.

if no one feeds me drugs or spontaneously combusts soon, i shall go mad.

2007-02-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

word of the day:
"porno-copia."

absolutely nothing happening, even by normal people's standards & not mine...been staying in alot & furthering my pop-cultural education by watching movies with car chases & explosions in them...

words of the day:

2007-01-16T13:06:00.000-08:00

"beeriod" & "bromance."

i've gotta start posting more regularly again

2006-12-28T11:28:00.000-08:00

..or i'll start losing what few readers i have left... so i'm back in nelson again, have been for a week already & as such have almost gotten used to being back out here so there won't be much in the way of yummy, yummy angst to amuse y'all with...

but here's some notable things:

- the closest i got to chemical excitement (asides from pot, of course; this is b.c.) was a slightly chewed tab of e a friend gave me. that's right. one. single. happy pill. no ketamine, no acid, nothing.

- pickled baby crabs taste almost as bad as raw fish eggs; jellied pig's blood is awesome, though, like salty, slightly gritty jello.

- r.i.p., my counterfeit handicapped bus pass, you've served me well.

[L, if you're still reading this, will you make me another one when you get back?]

- christmas rush & muzak at malls is likely the one thing i don't miss about city life.

- i got back to nelson a day early & came home hungry, exhausted, & horny to a houseful of random people & ended up chasing everyone but my boyfriend out with a switchblade. but not until after i got fed a shitwhack of beer & 'shrooms.

- i managed to find 2 twenty dollar bills on the street between christmas eve & boxing day.

- i still don't have any chartreuse.

2006-12-11T19:08:00.000-08:00

back amongst the crazies & skyscrapers in vancouver...not staying long but cramming in as much Exploration and Adventure as humanly possible.

today's realization: raw fish eggs are gross.

(no sexual experiments, though, as i'm flying solo & have promised to be a good girl.)

crad kilodney is evil, almost as evil as me.

2006-12-05T15:59:00.000-08:00

just finished reading putrid scum by the guy, a signed copy of which i purloined from a family-owned, independent bookshop.

go read his stuff, i command you.

2006-12-04T13:29:00.000-08:00

got tired of barely eating in order to barely make rent so i finally gave in & put my impoverished, yellow trash ass on welfare last friday.

2006-11-28T15:55:00.000-08:00

gonna be back in vancouver for a week-or-so starting on the tenth of december.

mmm...air pollution.

strange fruit...

2006-11-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

grapple.

to the lady i raked leaves for who kept calling her dog's droppings "doodles:"

2006-11-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

yes, i understand that a walmart-wholesome woman like you don't want to use profanity, that refering to shit as shit would be simply scandalous, but "doodling" is what i do in my spare time if i'm not drinking, reading, or fucking. not when i'm sitting on the can.

i hate you & your folksy sweater; i hope your dog doodles on it.

mr t. in t.o.

2006-10-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

this is the first time in over a year where i wish i was in toronto right. fucking. now.

nothing new.

2006-10-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

babysitting a friend's boa, vandalized trains, got fucked up against one, & got drunk for the first time in a long while on just whiskey.

i got asked twice if i wanted to buy weed within the first hour of moving in

2006-10-06T10:10:00.000-07:00

we got a place on the 29th -- a mere day before the campground closed for the year...some random chick walking past the bench we were sitting on offered us her old place when she stopped to give me the armload of books & stuff she was getting rid of. stranger things have happened.

there's no kitchen & the place has mice (we're getting a kitten...aww) but it's on the ass end of the main strip & the building we're in (a hostel above a bar converted into apartments above a bar) is pretty much the nexus of smalltime drug-crime here so we feel right at home...

for a place that costs only $400 a month, it's actually not as bad as it sounds: it's bigger than the tent for one thing; the previous tenants were artsy hippies so the place is relatively bright & cheerful; one of our windows is right above a fancy glass sign that says "swingers" (it's for the squash club that shares the building) so we get to fuck around with tourists & tell them there's a bawdy house upstairs; there was a tv & some furniture left over, & we made a shitload of cool dumpster scores -- a plywood sign with the word "ART" on it that we've nailed over the bed, a turntable that i'm in the process of rehabilitating, christmas lights, etc.; & did i mention it's right above a bar?

2006-09-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is international talk like a pirate day...i will, however, deliver a solid boot to the nuts of any scurvy dog who dares to direct so much as a single "yo ho" in my general direction.

also, i have no more chartreuse. again.

let's do the time warp agaiin...

2006-09-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

two years & 361 posts later & this blog has documented enough strange shit to cause some to doubt my existence as a non-fictional character...leaving home, a travel-cured flirtation with suicidal alcoholism, my introduction to an alphabet of chemicals & sex acts, 'finding myself' through random art & sluttiness, & now doing the whole Responsible-ish Adult thing in a nowhere town with the man i intend to spend at least the next big chunk of my life with...

well, on with the soap opera then, eh?

- we both got kicked out of our previous squat by the psychotic landlady & as a result, we've set up camp (literally, like with tarps & a tent) at the official town campgrounds for $20 a day, including electricity; it's pretty sweet but we're still having trouble renting a place with actual frikkin' walls.

- got shafted from my dishwashing gig because the boss' son's girlfriend wanted her old job back. happy happy joy joy. hooray for small town politics.

- finally got around to exploring castlegar, an even smaller redneck town about an hour's bus ride from nelson, yesterday. its only redeeming quality was that the liquor store there had chartreuse...so i blew 36 bucks on a bottle -- please let it last a while.

- three more days & i'm old enough to legally drink in the states!

stupid just like you

2006-09-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

in case you saw the word 'erratum' & decided to skip reading this blog... i don't know what an 'erratum' is. really, i don't. trust me, i'm stupid; i watch reality tv & confuse it with reality.

erratum

2006-09-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

if the sidebar still says 'genital' in the spot that shows my location, it's a mistake, 'cuz you see, in the user profiles thingie, the category for that was called "region" -- so i typed "genital" in for a joke ("genital region," get it?). well, i actually live in ontario. though there is a place in mexico called "chihuahua".

greetings & salutations, fellow earthlings! my first post

2006-09-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

hiya,

you know, i even feel weird talking on the phone: i can't get rid of the feeling that i'm standing in an empty room shouting into a plastic box of wires and shit. so why am i doing this? i have no idea. probably just because i've never done this before. that's how i start doing things most of the time (i've made chain-mail & mead, though i've yet to start on learning gaelic or knife throwing...soon, though).

so, some stuff on my life, right? that's how these normally go?

[heh. i just changed the date to 2 years later. pretty spiffy, no? (relax. i never say "spiffy" unironically in real life)]

this week was the first week of school -- and i actually welcomed it, 'cuz, you see, i go to an 'alternative' high school where the teachers are called by their first names, the students are encouraged to question things, & it's fine if you're gay or political or whatever. a big departure from my old school where there were cameras in the halls, uniforms & all that crap (sorry about the scatalogical obcenities; i'll try to be more creative next time). the last straw was when i had to toss my uniform pants into a slush puddle so i could have proof after i'd lied to the principal that i got splashed-by-a-passing-truck-while-standing-innocently-by-the-curb-ma'am. to be fair, there were some good times too -- i got to perform a speech on the overuse & abuse of the word 'fuck' (where i said it about 20 times in 5 minutes). but now, i'm in paradise (or whatever one calls it when one is too skeptical to be religious).

this semester i'm doing poetry & drama, philosophy, sculpture, french, & chemistry. it promises to be intresting...

i tire of this. more later, if i remember.

ta.

am i supposed to have "perfect" spelling/grammar when blogging? please enlighten me (how's about words with more than 3 syllables?).

meh.

2006-09-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

still in nelson, still desperately missing civilisation...we're gonna give it 6 months before deciding whether or not to move back home to vancouver.

i'd been half-jokingly referring to the valley that nelson's in as "the valley of death," only to find out today that the natives used to call this place 'the valley of lost souls' -- not sure if that's a good thing or not. employed but still homeless & couchsurfing; nearly all the places in our price range won't rent to us for some reason, soup kitchen food is getting more & more disgusting by the day, & i think i'm going through tuna roll withdrawal...

found quote of the day:

2006-08-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

(haven't had one of those in a while...)

"being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it."

i seem to thrive on culture shock...

2006-08-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

i'm typing this in the employment resource centre because i'm utterly broke & this is the only place in town that has free, moochable, uncensored internet: jack & i had to pawn my laptop & sell off most of his stuff to get us both up here & even then, we had to hitchhike. (my first time hitching, by the way, got a ride straight up from vancouver with a paisley-shirted englishman who was on his way to south america from alaska.)

today's only my sixth or seventh day in quaint, picturesque nelson: we ended up hitching to shambahala & panhandling for tickets not 24 hours after arriving in nelson. shambahala was fun, of course, & likely the last 4-day weekend either of us will be having for a while since we'll be doing the whole "concentrate on obtaining basic food & shelter" thing.

some shambhala highlights: i tried ghb for the first time, had literal sex on the beach, ate a shitload of chocolate mushrooms (i couldn't refuse -- they were chocolate truffles & free!), met much of jack's gutterpunk extended family -- including the mother of his daughter -- & got accepted pretty much right away. we also made a point of scouring all the stages & paths early in the morning (when normal ravers go to sleep) for abandoned booze/other goodies & found a cell phone, a jacket for me, & a wealth of rum & cokes.

(we also found a baggie of coke but didn't bother with it.)

nelson is less than half the size of halifax. it has one pawnshop, one starbucks, & nothing much that stays open past 6pm... & did i mention that it takes even the fattest of tourists less than 20 minutes to traverse the single main street? this lack of entertainment has got us both kinda miserable & bored (we can't be having sex *all* the time...), what with being lifelong city kids & all.

with that, learning to drive/getting our licences are of immediate priority, taking precedence over even going to new orleans/new york.

the good news: we both found jobs within a couple of days of arrival (he's a cook at one of the bistros 'downtown' & i'm the dishwasher. crappy gigs, i know, but it's a start.); i'm getting along amazingly well with jack's kid, a smart & weird 11 year-old who eats lemons & drinks her coffee with a spoon; the rooftops here are very easy to get up onto & i've had breakfasts & drawing breaks on the roofs of several buildings; & because nelson is something of a hippie retreat, it's nowhere as prudish as halifax is. [we still get noticable reactions from passersby, though: punkish interracial couple, both in boots & black, with enough trinkets in our hair & on our persons that we rattle when we walk.]

the bad news: we're currently sleeping in the spare room of a friend's place that's overrun by cats, small children, & other random couchsurfers; nelson's hella small & surrounded on all sides by mountains so it looks even smaller; one of its stupider tourist attractions is 'bob' the big orange bridge; there isn't a single place in town that does cheap east indian or japanese food -- no more 60 cent samosas or 40% off sushi nights...

& none of the liquor stores here carry chartreuse.

2006-08-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

no, i'm not dead or held captive by hillbillies or whatever; i just don't have much time to elaborate on how odd my current situation is right now because i've got to get my ass across town (all of a 10 minute walk, i have to add) before the food bank closes.

more later.

delays

2006-08-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

...& new experiences:

it's tuesday & we're (funny how the pronoun's changed, eh?) still in vancouver; gonna be hitchhiking up tomorrow morning...

some firsts:
- fucked my boyfriend [or anybody for that matter] with a strap-on.
- had a yard sale.
- smoked shisha tobacco out of a hookah.
- smoked blue lotus out of the same hookah.
- got totally *fucked* from drinking multiple cups of opium poppy tea.

2006-08-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

leaving for the town of nelson this saturday...

pretty vacant

2006-07-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

so the straightedge phase didn't last very long for either of us...still staying away from the 'shrooms, though.

another weekend party, another bunch of chemicals...

found out the hard way that getting food poisoning while simultaneously high on acid/ketamine/ecstasy/booze/weed is not fun at all: it was from eating raw bacon to prove that undercooked pork isn't dangerous.

incidentally, the Puke Inducer is a new drink i came up with during my adventures:
4 shots pernod
2 shots jagermiester
1 shot spiced rum
1 shot white rum
mix in large plastic cup & top off with coke/tonic water.

strange attraction

2006-07-19T07:34:00.001-07:00

another 4-day weekend, another bunch of hijinks...

spent several hours rock climbing topless, holding a black parasol for shade; it was at the nude beach so i was only *slightly* out of place. i ended up with a new collection of bruises & scrapes but it was worth it to see more than a few out-of-shape naked guys hauling their asses & dangly bits up those pointy rocks just to offer me cigarettes. i took pity on one particularly fat guy & just yelled down to him that i wasn't for sale. aren't i nice?

had my first bad trip - 'shrooms (well, mushrooms, ecstasy, ketamine, beer, & not enough sleep or food). me & jack ended up spending a Very Fuckin' Scary night in each other's arms, gibbering & deranged, trying to not kill ourselves or go insane. needless to say, we're gonna be sticking to just booze & pot for the forseeable future & he won't be dealing anymore.

(yes, kiddies, drugs are bad for you.)

i'm gonna be moving again, at the end of this month or the start of the next, this time to nelson because jack wants to be able to spend more time with his daughter.

since losing my virginity last december i've had sex with & 'relationships' of varying degrees of intimacy, ranging from "random party hookup" to "friend with benefits," with 9 different guys, aged between 18 & 34...

[i can hear you yelling "Slut!" & you're not too far off the mark, especially since i fucked all but the last 2 before may -- 7 men in 4 months. you do the math.]

...& of course i end up falling for the thrice-married, eyeliner-wearing 33 year old with a daughter who's 11.

but 'scandalous' is my middle name & at the very least it'll make this blog even more interesting. what i'm worried about the most is that nelson is so frikkin' small (the town's website brags about its "over 40 restaurants & cafes") -- roughly the size of halifax.

i'm allowed to be optimistic now, though, seeing as i'm officially No Longer Goth. i'll take whatever comes my way & run with it like i always do; maybe i'll be documenting my utter heartbreak & angst redux here pretty soon, or maybe i'll pull off a 'happily ever after' & cheat y'all out of a good story.

no matter what, i can't see myself staying in one place for long [i'm thinking new orleans sometime this winter & i'm overdue for another dose of new york city...] but with one person? yeah, it's about time i gave monogamy a go.

arsene lupin is my hero

2006-07-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

managed to make nearly 800 bucks from selling off most of a bag of antique jewellery i liberated from an auction house.

whoever said poor impulse-control was a bad thing?

i am also out of chartreuse.

2006-07-04T14:48:00.000-07:00

bitter asian men!

2006-07-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

having to wake up at 5am really, really sucks.

incorrect thoughts

2006-07-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

long-weekend monday alone at home, listening to records, thinking but not drinking...

...so it turns out that the "new woman" from 3 posts back isn't really jack's lover, she's staying with him/us due to real-life drama in her personal life. i guess i should have figured it out sooner but i was too busy repressing my territorial instincts because she's good-enough-for-him-dammit.

a couple of days ago me & her had a chat that cleared things up: she's been being extra nice to me not because she was feeling guilty about fucking my guy, but because she knew she was keeping me from fucking my guy & i just realized that i've never actually seen him act in a sexual/romantic way towards her...god, i'm such a paranoid idiot.

at least i didn't try to fight her. i'd have probably lost.

& the sleeping almost-naked thing? i could explain it off as another symptom of my east-coast liberal artfag upbringing, but isn't it more tantalizing to leave the possibility of imminent hot lesbo action out there?

2006-06-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

yeah, life is interesting still, full of sex & drugs, blah, blah, yadda, yadda. went to a nude beach for the first time some days ago, managed to get myself down to nothing but a sarong, underpants, & a couple of safety pins...full-blown nudity will occur next time.

too bad y'all can't see it.

rhetoric

2006-06-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

if sex is the breakfast of champions, then i'm a loser only half the time.

2006-06-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

remember when my life was boring enough to warrant at least a post a day?

i haven't slept in my own bed since last wednesday & tomorrow's the start of another 4-day weekend...

- my assmeats remain intact & unruptured.

- got my butt smacked by a good-looking woman for the first time.

- was offered crystal at a party but turned the guy down. (see? i do have some self-restraint)

- missed out on a street festival with free beer because i was watching the boyfriend get suspended from a tree by meathooks in his back.

...& more news from the relationship front: another woman's been added to jack's harem.

not much angst this time around -- all it took was a couple of beers & sticking another safety pin in my ear for me to come to terms with sharing him with her; this mostly has to do with the fact that she's a friend whom i already like & even look up to instead of a dumpling-shaped loser. i've slept mostly nude in the same bed with her [all hot girl-on-girl action will be promptly noted here, of course] & she's taken to calling me 'sweetie.'

i'll be happy as long as i get a few more kisses & nipple tweaks than she does...

in through the out hole

2006-06-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

(hooray for makeup sex!)
the rear portal has most definitely been breached.
i'll report any signs of internal bleeding or incontinence.

more real-life drama

2006-06-14T09:46:00.000-07:00

drinking like in the bad old days, tossing back my last bottle of chartreuse like it's water...

my quandary du jour is this: i dislike my principal lover's newly acquired auxillary but have no real veto power. my piece on the side [the yoga-y guy, who for some reason wants to go by the alias 'xavier' on my blog despite being neither bald, crippled, nor a leader of mutants] disapproves of my primary's [my drug-dealing, chain-smoking pirate, hereafter known as 'jack' -- as in "jack sparrow," or perhaps "jack daniel's" -- for narration's sake] dodgy personal hygiene but can do fuck-all about my taste in men...so it'd be Very Hypocritical of me to prevent her from joining his harem...

see? normal people don't have to worry about shit like this.

my sunday night/monday morning could be blamed on her. goth night? her idea. i'd already done it once in february & literally passed out in my beer from boredom but that was her weekly thing & jack suggested a double date, lets-get-to-know-each-other kind of thing with me, him, her, & her asexual roomate. i had my mini i'm-no-longer-goth epiphany the second i walked into the place & although i tried to be nice & all, just her brand new bauhaus t-shirt, pre-ripped fishnets, & mall-goth pants was enough to put her permanently on my shitlist.

(the fact that she's 8 years my elder & therefore ought to know better just makes it worse. one sure way to make me simultaneously lose all respect for & get frustrated by someone is by acting like a petulant 15-year old -- especially if he or she is pushing 30. being so obviously scared of me despite outweighing me by about 40 pounds doesn't help either.

i mean, lady, you managed to quit crystal meth & raise an extremely articulate 9-year old son on your own, so you must be doing something right so why don't you act. your. fucking. age?)

at some point during the night, i offered to fight her for him...

==/==

it's around here (ie: 4-ish in the morning & halfway through my bottle of chartreuse) that i pass out from sheer boozy emo-ness. i woke up not an hour ago to an email from jack saying that she is out of the running & "no longer an issue [...] lol" (he's one of less than 5 people in the world who i'll not think less of for abusing the english language so.) so i'm posting this unfinished piece anyway just to mark the first time email made me cry.

...isn't postmodern love grand?

(& monday's self-administered ketamine overdose? that was my misguided attempt at sociability: i was conciously trying to sedate myself to put her at ease -- because there's no ego-boost like seeing your rival chemically lobotomized -- & of course i ended up in a vomit-soaked heap on her brand new hardwood floor...which probably scarred her more than mere violence would have. lol.)

these 4-day weekends'll be the death of me...

2006-06-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

friday: spent it chemically augumented & drinking people's unattended beers.

saturday: afterparty.

sunday: goth night; i've officially outgrown goth -- everybody in the 'vancouver scene' buys their boots at the same store.

monday: managed to o.d. myself with a quarter gram of ketamine & spent a time-warpy 2 hours puking my guts out & Seeing Things.

2006-06-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

found headline of the night:
"archbishop of canterbury to shave arse for telethon."

this guy is utterly, batshit brilliant:

...witness exhibits a, b, & c.

666

2006-06-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

hail satin!

the perils of modern gothic living

2006-06-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

- walking through the rainy streets in 20 degree weather while wearing a floor-length pvc trenchcoat.

- walking through the rainy streets in 20 degree weather while wearing a floor-length pvc trenchcoat & carrying a taped-up parcel, trying to ignore the group of idiots behind me making explody noises & talking pointedly about bombs.

- walking through the rainy streets in 20 degree weather while wearing a floor-length pvc trenchcoat & carrying a taped-up parcel, trying to ignore the group of idiots behind me making explody noises & talking pointedly about bombs & then getting the hem of my trenchcoat caught in an escalator.

i don't come home for two weeks & this is what happens?

2006-05-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

...the guys downstairs apparently had to break into my apartment to shut the toilet off because it was overflowing & flooding the whole building...at least they had the decency to put newspaper on the floor & leave a note...now the floor (not to mention the carpet) is sticky & charmingly sepia-colored...i hope they sell mops at the dollar store.

i walked into a tree branch only once

2006-05-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

...& i was extremely high when it happened...

alluvium was frikkin' awesome:

- i did my first line.

- i tried & liked 'shrooms.

- i kissed my first girl. on. the. lips.

- i did not fall into the steamy, plank-lined pit that was the latrine.

-but most importantly, i did not die when my ride there flipped over into a ditch...near-death experiences do make everything better. even trance music.

there is only one bottle of chartreuse left.

2006-05-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

chicken will never taste the same.

2006-05-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

only 2 bottles of chartreuse left...

me, drugs, & a shitload of trees.

2006-05-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

this is where i'm gonna be this weekend; this lifelong city kid will let y'all know if she walks into any trees or gets raped by hobbits.

found quote of the day, nay, the week:

2006-05-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

"my nipples are the size of coasters."

now that's just gross. i'd rather eat your skin.

2006-05-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

cameos

2006-05-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

found screen-name of the day:
"FaggotxCore."

woke up today with perfect emo-hair -- floppy bangs over one eye, the rest sticking up at odd, artfaggy angles. i've also not had any solid food for the past 2 days so i have that vaguely hollow, angst-deluxe look about the eyes too.

had an anticlimatic, 'we're both having sex with other people so let's just be friends' breakup with my (well, mine no longer) country boy who came by for a visit a couple of days ago. this time around i took him to a dive bar on the edge of junkietown for $2 pints & introduced him to the dubious fun that is errol flynn on dvd. he brings me 3 bottles of chartreuse & doesn't even get to shag me...

i'm semi-seriously debating whether or not to give catchy epithets to my current lovers & record some of their antics here too, to give my narrative some semblance of continuity as opposed to what probably seems like random encounters with penii. trouble is, how does one simplify, package, & market a yoga-y health nut who dresses like indiana jones or a piratical, chain-smoking part time drug dealer?

soundtrack:
'tourniquet' - rasputina
'i'm in love with dusty springfield' - jayne county
'death or glory' - the clash

adjective of the day:

2006-05-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

"snotgreen."

a couple of televisual firsts: saw my first episodes of 'star trek' & 'spongebob squarepants;' have yet to see a full episode of 'friends' or 'seinfeld.'

frag bomb

2006-05-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

mood: explicatory.

word of the night:
"sebaceous."

the rasputine -- in soviet russia, poutine eats you.

witnessed an old guy who looked kinda like santa stroke a bus pole in a 'suggestive' manner. no way am i gonna give up wearing my newly acquired dog-getting-a-blowjob-from-a-girl-with-pigtails t-shirt. (my first & only white, non-underwear piece of clothing, by the way.)

turning japanese

2006-05-05T19:01:00.000-07:00

those pesky limbs always get in the way? give this baby a spin.

& one for those always on the go...

phobia of the day:

2006-05-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

"mykophobia."
(the fear of mushrooms)

found quote of the day:

2006-05-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

"i eat food."

lots of sex = productivity

2006-05-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

i tried both nitrous oxide (not worth the trouble, despite it being available in supermarkets) & ketamine (fairly interesting, less excruciating than acid)!

love in stereo

2006-05-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

40 Future Partners!!
Your Meaningless Percentage is 63%!

Allright! 40! You have just barely enough sex partners in your destiny. Hopefully you can get them all in a room and see what happens. Of couse you do realize that with this many partners, the tawtness of skin & suppleness of bosom/buttock goes way down. On you.

This test tracked 1 variable. How the score compared to the other people's:

Higher than 39% on FUCK

The HOW MANY People WILL YOU FUCK? Test

should i keep a running tally? that'd be pretty darn tawt, no?

2006-05-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

found aphorism:

"break noses, not hearts."

2006-05-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

i am so amazingly strung out right now.

word of the day:

2006-04-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

"eidetic."

2006-04-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

i wear dead people

2006-04-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

my morning mug of guinness looks remarkably like a cafe latte...

foul-mouthed, campy, & british...what's not to like?

2006-04-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

"I like my eggs like I like my women -
Over easy, with a sausage in 'em"

"I can only think of sex when I try and write.
…I’ve got writers cock."

"I pluck my eyebrows in his name. I cook up with his finest candles.
But, I fail to see how a principled man could ever wear those fuckin' sandals."

- handbags at dawn

go download their 2 eps. you'll thank/hate me for it later.

slave to my dick

2006-04-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

made my first ever booty call & am now in that post-shower, pre-going out state of nervous excitement...i've been on the recieving end of booty calls & am well versed in rejecting/accepting propositions, but this, this is something new. w00t!

confession

2006-04-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

...i find the chinese surnames 'dong,' 'wang,' & 'poon' hilarious...does my asianess make it ok? (there was this kid named long dong in seventh grade. i never could talk to him.)

i have no more chartreuse.

2006-04-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

wanna lose weight? try The Poverty Diet!

i've lost over 20 pounds since leaving hellifax, & while i'm still a long way away from that oh-so-desirable auschwitz/kate moss figure, it's a bit worrying...should i start eating sticks of butter to compensate for the fact that i'm more or less living on just fruit & rice?

happy 4/20, y'all

2006-04-20T18:10:00.000-07:00

did you smoke some weeed? i spent my money on coffee & magazines instead. right now i'm gloriously twitchy from the 20 packets of sugar i put in my coffee...i stayed up last night working on my 'bukkake milkshake'
t-shirt while listening to obscure britpunk & don't plan to sleep tonight either if i can help it.

i am developing bondage cuff-tanlines.

2006-04-19T21:15:00.001-07:00

again proving that ugliness trancends time, an archive of victorian/edwardian portraiture for your perusal &/or carnal abuse.

or there's this if your tastes run more towards the three-dimensional...

no sex = productivity

2006-04-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

vancouver photos have been added to 'interactive vandalism' !

junkietown vignettes

2006-04-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

- spent the morning browsing pawnshops, stole a blue plastic doorknob.

- nearly got pissed on.

- "whadda you want, you want methadone? i got methadone."

- ugly. hookers. everywhere.

- even uglier rich chicks on the bus coming back.

2006-04-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

the iTrick.
not that i'm saying i need it

in lieu of content,

2006-04-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

here's another schizophrenic mixtape, this one suitable for playing really loud on crappy speakers while debating whether or not to put "drinking" in as an 'interest & leisure activity' on one's resume:

1.the sex pistols -- anarchy in the uk
2.lou reed -- there is no time
3.cursive -- art is hard
4.the b-52s -- planet claire
5.acid zen wonder paint -- rubberduckie
6.cathal coughlan -- amused as hell
7.modest mouse -- tiny cities made of ashes
8.bjork -- violently happy
9.d generation -- capital offender
10.rubber city rebels -- i don't wanna be a punk no more
11.leonard cohen -- ain't no cure for love
12.the cure -- there is no if...
13.the decemberists -- we both go down together
14.richard bacchus -- pugnacious
15.gogol bordello -- 60 revolutions
16.the buzzcocks -- teenage kicks
17.royal city -- dank is the air of death & loathing
18.jesse malin -- riding on the subway
19.mark foggo's skasters -- deadbeat
20.teenage casket company -- bad girl
21.lydia lunch -- spooky
22.jens lekman -- you are the light (by which i travel into this & that)

i have precisely one shot's-worth of chartreuse left.

2006-04-15T19:18:00.000-07:00