sporadic fulfilment

smarm & other dumb things in life

1. calling someone "baby" only works in songs
2. always remember to waterproof all baked goods you're going to spraypaint.
3. they're called 'muscle shirts' for a reason.
4. explode if you have to, but don't fart in an elevator.
5. cosmetics just makes you uglier if you're already ugly.
6. having your girlfriend/wife always walking a half step behind you doesn't make you more of a man.
7. i won't rob you in broad daylight: don't look at me like that.
8. i don't want your stinkin' girlfriend, either. no need to swagger & walk past with your crotch leading the way (as if it's not already obvious that that's what you think with).
9. boobs are not public property.
10. don't get tattoos on areas that get real saggy with age. you don't wanna be a grandma with a jizz-target butterfly over your ass crack.

posted by malachi trizec @ 6:02 a.m.