sporadic fulfilment

haven't done a late-night post in a while

& i really don't have much to say right now, seeing as i'm apparently not gonna be whining about being stuck in halifax (i did choose to come here, after all). i'll just pretend i'm getting my wintertime depression early (woohoo.) this year. the pointless hours-long bus rides in dartmouth & the physical reassurance of having my plane tickets & passport on my person 24/7 helps a bit too.

i'm not doing so well in class, mainly because i get overwhelmingly repulsed by the smallest things, to the extent where i end up fixated on them to the exclusion of everything else.

--things like: the lumpy backmeat on fat middle aged tourist-women in too-small bras & tight blouses; how every kid my age here still manage, via the magic of cable television, to dress/act/talk like big-city hipster scum despite living in the middle of nowhere; how i get nostalgic for the smell of piss-soaked doorways & even caught myself the other day slowing down & taking a deeper-than-usual breath while walking past the only one on my route to/from school... there's only one because i detour through the 'business district' for the couple-of-storeys-taller-than-average buildings & because i'd rather walk a gauntlet of suits out on smoke breaks than walk down the 'main drag' & have one more bus-full of tourists -- all past retirement age, all white -- turn their heads in synchronicity & stare at me as the bus goes past; how even the locals are the kind of people -- appearance- & personality-wise -- i've always associated with the word "tourist," which kicks my already overdeveloped 'me against the world' mentality up several notches... & i know this one is really stereotypical, but people here really do walk much, much slower; how my new & completely uncalled for status as a semi-desirable, exotic piece of ass confuses the hell out of me so badly that i alternate between finding it hilarious & getting Creeped Out on a metaphysical level...especially because the guys i tend to attract are mainly the 'drunk as fuck 50-year old professor/film industry pro' types...

oh yes, i crashed the closing gala for the film fest & spent the entirety of it having a Vaguely Profound Discussion About Sexuality and Physical Desire with a guy at least 3 decades older & a foot-&-a-half taller than me, but not until i'd stated repeatedly that, no, i have no desire or intent to ever let him "make love" [his words, not mine] to me... i guess he was kind of cool for a creep with a lolita fetish...remarkably articulate even after 5 or 6 $7 stellas... we went to the afterparty together, where he got me a couple shots of whiskey before we parted ways -- & no, he didn't 'get any.' not from me anyways: we'd established beforehand that i was gonna knee him in the balls if he so much as kissed me goodnight.

see? elsewhere, i'd just be considered street-scum & wouldn't have made it into the party in the first place. the people here really are too trusting... i've used the same bus transfer for several rides over several days...

graffiti in halifax is in an even more embryonic state than it is in toronto: to help remedy that, & because i was/still am bored, i put up about a hundred fifty adhesive lables, blank except for an ambiguous slogan ["make me pretty." "vandalize me good." "your ad here:" "all your friends are doing it" etc], just sticking them on phone booths, lampposts, whatever i could get to... they've been up now through several storms & even though most of them haven't been peeled off or postered over( -- itself a bad sign), almost all of them are still blank...

if anyone from halifax/dartmouth is reading this (& i highly doubt it), go outside right now & fill up a couple of stickers, hell, put up some of your own...there's so many blank walls around. i'll even give you some if if you email me; i have over a thousand more of the little suckers left, eternal optimist that i am.

...these are some of the "small" things that bug me... other than that, i feel good.

posted by malachi trizec @ 1:48 a.m.