Friday, October 22, 2004

ham & chocolate frosting on wonder bread

i still can't find a job. no-one wants to hire a highschool kid with a self-inflicted haircut who makes it explicit that she can be polite & civil twards strangers but not servile ... no, i can't fake a smile either. (think about it, think about how many times per day you smile to be polite, to be 'nice', or because you're afraid... fake happiness is an essential survival skill & i don't have it)

neurotic-erotic submarine screams,
how-may-i-help-you makes crappy last words:
don't let them be yours.

life as continuous farce: a philosophical musing -- pretty durnd academic soundin', ennit?

haven't even looked @ this thing for a month...
no-one reads these, eh? i'm just talking at myself really. life as i know it is unspectacular @ best -- i'm in danger of failing both philosophy & poetry class on account of my not being able to write anything in my 'response journal' that i'm doing for those classes; i've also barely touched my correspondence courses (french & chemistry) & i'm so messed up i have to talk myself out of bed everyday, set my alarm a half-hour early to do that & i already get less than 5 hours of sleep every night...i don't need eyeshadow to look goth anymore.
had a bottle of crappy black nail polish from several hallowe'ens ago, turned my fingernails yellow so it's back to permenant marker-as-nail polish for me.i now have fishhooks & crystals braided in my hair. did it last night.
i also cleared out my cd collection a while ago & instead of selling the stuff i don't listen to anymore (or never listened to in the first place -- long story), i've decided to just leave them in random locations with a little sticker-review & link to this blog (i'm hoping to smuggle some into the 'holt renfew' & other mega-chainstores around here). reverse shoplifting & surprise presents for strangers... what fun.
my only problem is that i only have 6 reject cds, perhaps i can convince some used-cd shops to donate a few of their more unsalable cds to the cause? it's also been cold & rainy these few days -- & it's gonna continue being so for a while yet -- so i can't plant them outdoors.
more updates as they occur to me...

singing the blues in a tinfoil hat,
talking to myself: