Sunday, July 31, 2005


the house is infested with ants, not the small ones but the centimeter-long black ones, i've already squashed bunches of them & there's been more than once when i've found them crawling up my pant legs or down my arms... the bad thing is, i'm getting used to it.

Friday, July 29, 2005

i don't wanna be learned

today's the last day of summer school & i suppose i'm happy it's over. i found out my mark yesterday: a 52 -- another blemish on my already acne-scarred academic record. but really, with trying to cram an entire week's worth of material in to every single day, i couldn't learn anything at all. the only thing i've learnt was how to sleep sitting upright which isn't very useful since i'm too paranoid to nap on the all i need to get my highschool diploma is to finish up my chemistry course: something that's gonna be taking up literally all my spare time for the next couple of weeks -- so no more blogging for the next bunch of days. i also got a new cellphone yesterday. it even has a colour screen....ooh, purdy... (yeah i know, cells have long since gone way beyond that, but i don't much like phones in the first place & consequently went for the cheapest non-ugly one there was -- a model that happened to be several years out of date)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

turd blossoms in springtime

tequila with ginger ale : good

tequila with tea: bloody 'orrible

Friday, July 22, 2005


"even, just utter Woman, utter Oooooozing femininity. There was
discovered them, but they flit and bob so, that I cannot line
stomach. Whilst we did closely observe this organ, we did feed"
-- this copied directly from a piece of spam i got, apparently for a russian 'personals' site. strange how poetry seems completely inadvertant.

is laughing at the word "pooper" too weird?

presuming i keep posting entries to this blog well into senility, it would be kinda interesting to be able to go back & read all this stuff that i'm writing now -- d'you think that somewhere out there there are blogs that've been written to ever since the Dawn of the Age of Blogging?

so london got bombed again... guess i could wear my 'london pride' beer-bottle cap button tomorrow along with my 'arson' t-shirt...

addendum -- almost 5am, same day:
for something scarier than smegma, check out the official 'page for norad. there's even colouring pages of pictures of fighter planes for the younguns. i looked it up 'cause i'm working on my final essay for summer school (due today), on the nonexistence of a "distinctly" canadian identity

Monday, July 18, 2005

it burned off in hell

i've whacked even more of my hair off: now there's just a crooked shock of it in front & the rest is stubble. it looks horrible in the best sense of the word.

the iPunks have killed music

i don't think i was even around when people were making mixtapes for each other (i don't own a single cassette tape), but i've been seeing too many people around who try to look like avril lavigne or any one of a number of gel-spiked 'punk' band-guys lately, & it's one of the many, many things that's making existence suck for me right now. so, as much good as this will do, here's a very stream-of-consciousness list of what i think "real" music (or "music" in some cases) is that could probably fit on a single cd if you were so inclined to hunt down all the sources. quite a lot of this is fairly obscure, i know, but where would the challenge/point be if it was all stuff you could just pick up at any mall?

1.dresden dolls -- coin-operated boy
2.rubber city rebels -- i don't wanna be a punk no more
3.bruce springsteen -- the river
4.jesse malin -- downliner
5. d generation -- waiting for the next big parade
6.adam & the ants -- desperate but not serious
7.pogues -- the gentleman soldier
8. mind of a squid -- nug
9. feeding like butterflies -- psycho bloody girl on monday
10. cure -- where the birds always sing
11. robert priest -- vote shit
12. clash -- lost in the supermarket
13. halakah -- boredom.discontent.hate.
14. dead letter dept. -- all my friends love freedom
15. boy george -- if i could fly sue me if most of the songs aren't punk &/or even new. i don't care to think about what that's saying about the current state of music.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


"mom, is she a boy or a girl?"
that's what i heard some kid ask on my way back home -- he was rude enough to point, too.
i hate children.

this is wrong-ish

i also got my passport in the mail a couple of days back; i now carry it around with me like some sort of talisman ("i will get out of the country... i will get out of the country...") . i think i look like a potential terrorist, but i've been told that i'm "not dark enough" to guarantee that i'll get searched 'randomly' by the nice customs people. hmm.


i've figured out how to stay reasonably alert in class without chemical assistance!
all i have to do is sleep during the day from whenever i come back to around midnight, whereupon i get up & do my homework & stuff then: this means i don't have to change my nocturnal habits but will still allow me to get kinda used to being up in the morning. i tried this yesterday & except for needing a concentrated blast of loud music during lunch (dead letter dept.) & sneaking out repeatedly to splash cold water on my face, i only nodded off during the last hour or so of class.

- straight-edge but for the love of alcohol,

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


damn, i miss snow.

in class, the part of the wall i use to prop up my head to keep from falling asleep has turned blue from my hair-dye rubbing off on it. someone's also graffittied the word "hitler" there in big, bright pink letters.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

on crafts &/or culture

i've been informally apprenticed to an artist/papermaker/bookbinder for a bit over a year now, something i've never mentioned because it's not very exciting (i mean, i learn stuff & all that...) but today i found a box-full of votive/ceremonial paper money in a dumpster -- & added ripped up pieces of it to the pulp mixture i was already using. so now the paper has all these bits embedded in it that say "hell bank note" & some chinese guy with a weird hat who i suppose is the king of the underworld. so if some bad juju happens & my limbs fall off or something, you'll know why.

the library has many fun things other than the free air conditioning & fellow homeless types. the saddest story i've read &/or remember reading, 'the end of the world' by moyra robson, is in the anthology geeks, misfits and outlaws [edited by zoe whittall], i was gonna buy myself a copy when it first came out... but like nearly always, i got distracted by some shiny thing-or-person & forgot all about it. the library has as copy which i came across some weeks back ; i borrowed it, forgot about it, & finished reading it last night while i was supposed to be forcing myself to do more chemistry math problems. most of the geeks, misfits, & outlaws in the book seem to be either queer or children for some reason. today on the streetcar i saw a guy with an orange-&-yellow batman-symbol tattoo on his calf; he has a face like bill gates after a bad night. yesterday there was a topless guy with breasts twice the size of mine on the bus with his ass overflowing 2 seats: why can't i go about shirtless, huh?

one of the more messed up reasons why i can't focus enough on my chemistry is this: i 'see' moles (the animal) in my head whenever the word "mole" (the unit of measurement equalling 6.02 x 10 to the 23rd power) appears in the text. i think this is because i can't wrap my mind around such a huge number & my imagination is supplying this half-assed substitute.

beer bottle-cap buttons: i'm making a whole bunch of them to wear according to my mood. my current favourite is the one for black sheep ale -- it's got white, calligraphic lettering in a circle on a black background. all you need's a bottle cap that's not too bent, a couple of pennies (or dimes if you're rich), & a pin-thingie of the sort that gets glue-gunned to the backs of cheap medallions. & glue of course, something strong & manly like carpenter's glue or superglue. what you do is: 1.) rough up the inside part of the cap with something nice & pointy, this is to help the glue stick better. 2.) glue in your pennies (or dimes, you capitalist pig) one on top of another & let that dry. 3.) glue in the pin-thingie. let that dry, & ta daa! your very own less-than-stylish 'fashion' acessory: now you don't have to tell people you're an alcoholic...

-enjoy "responsibly!"

Friday, July 08, 2005

they save all the good things for the rich

i only noticed this yesterday, but there are actual gas lamps on king street, it's only on one side of one block (just west of jarvis st.) in an area i don't frequent because of all the suit-people that populate the place. i suppose it makes sense in a cold hearted, mercenary way to give those who could afford to spend obscene amounts of money pretty stuff to spend it on, but i don't have to like it. incidentally, the best/largest liquor store in toronto is in another 'nice' part of town, yonge street outside of summerhill station -- there's an entire room that has nothing but different kinds of whiskey & scotch...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

where's the magic pig when you need him?

summer school might not suck as badly as it could. the teacher's fairly intelligent & doesn't mind, if not openly encourages, debate; he does have thinning bono-hair though, but who am i to judge people by their appearances? in an attempt to appear more 'user friendly,' i took out the metal spikes in my hair & replaced them with little skulls... it didn't help at all: i came early to stake out a seat at the back & watched as all the seats except the ones next to & in front of me fill up. the seat directly in front of the filing cabinets is empty too. we got homework on the first day & i haven't done it. i've finally managed to do some of my chemistry stuff, though -- just 300 more pages to go.

Monday, July 04, 2005

this can't be good

i didn't sleep last night/this morning either. instead, i spent most of that time with my head in my hands trying to convince myself to pick up my pen & work on my correspondence course (chemistry): if i don't finish the damn thing by the end of the month, i might not have enough time to go to nyc before moving to halifax. needless to say, i wasn't sucessful. that's pretty much what i've been doing ever since mid-june. i don't wanna fuck up this year & do a seventh year of highschool. most people would have given up by now...
to make the situation even more interesting, i start summer school tomorrow -- canadian history -- class starts at 8:30 & it takes almost an hour to get there by bus, which means i ought to plan to wake up at around 6:00 -- the time when i usually go to sleep.
&, as unseasonal as it may be, check out's santa-as-antichrist billboard campaign!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

hey...i wrote poetry...

the sky is now that shade of purple-y grey that means the sun's coming up & i just only now realized that the previous entry is the first woe-is-me-i'm-an-angsty-doom filled-teenager poem type thing i've done for the blog, & that as minimalistic/sarcastic as it was it's still a new phase that seems to me to be all there is to some blogs by other random, doom filled, angsty teenagers. at least i don't use emoticons or smileys, hey?


this insomnia is getting very annoying.
i can't sleep but i don't feel tired.
this probably means i'll die young & prematurely wrinkly.
i've had permenant dark circles under my eyes since i was 10.


Saturday, July 02, 2005

say you want a revolution

i got up extra early (ie: before noon) to watch the tv broadcast of the live8 concerts. the last one ended about a couple of hours ago, & while i'm rather pissed that they didn't show the cure performing (they closed the show in paris), it's a very worthy cause & all that, so i want y'all to go to the live8 'site & sign their online petition thingie that's gonna be given to bush, blair, & the usual gang of idiots during the g8 summit on wednesday. provided, of course, that you don't doubt that free trade'll help africa's economy -- an issue i'm still mentally debating even though i signed the petition while frickin' celine dion was being played as an excuse to get away from the tv for a while; i think this is the only time in my life that i've spent more than five consecutive hours in front of the telly.