Wednesday, August 31, 2005

time management skills & the lack thereof

after 2 days without sleeping, i'm finally finished my chemistry lesson-thingies, but due to my last minute-ness, i found out today that i'll have to write the final exam in halifax & mail it back to toronto & then be officially a highschool graduate with a stupid little piece of paper that tells me so .
i'll most likely be leaving toronto on the 4th or something like that &, guess what, i haven't started packing or bought my ticket yet (i think i'd like to go by bus this time). it's not as if i need a lot of things: clothes, music, a couple of books & some art supplies ought to be enough; i have no idea as to what i'm going to do with all the Stuff i've scavenged & accumulated over the years though -- all the bits of metal i pick up off the pavement, my weirdly-shaped-liquor-bottle collection, the can full of fortune cookie fortunes. that sort of thing. things that may or may not be useful one day so you can't throw them away.

Monday, August 29, 2005

here's another one

strangury (noun) = slow & painful urination [middle english via latin from greek strangouria, from strang-, stranx drop squeezed out + ouron urine]

Sunday, August 28, 2005

and your scatological word of the day is:

feculent (adj.) = foul with impurities or excrement. [middle english from latin faeculentus, from faec- , faex dregs]

the entertainment that is afforded one by a casual browsing of the dictionary...

Saturday, August 27, 2005

shiny things aren't so pretty now

i noticed that a bottle of my nail polish lists 'guanine' as an ingredient & ,being as i am sick in the head, i made an immediate connection between the words 'guanine' & 'guano' & decided to look it up (isn't the internet just fabulous?). turns out guanine is derived from bat & bird shit & fish scales & is used by the cosmetics industry to add iridescence to things like lipstick, eye liner, etc.
at least i've never worn lipstick...

Thursday, August 25, 2005

some good things about being back 'home'

this is more to convince myself than anything.

-to be able to sleep in my own bed for the first time in 7 days.
-the legal drinking age is 19: to celebrate this wonderful aspect of canadian liberalness, i had myself a little detour to the liquor store yesterday before heading back to my place -- to buy chartreuse for me & a 4-pack of flavoured vodka 'coolers' for my sister as part of her belated birthday present (i personally think drinking alcopops is cheating, but that was what she'd asked for).
-being at home means i don't have to be on my feet all day & my blisters can have some time to heal.
-after standing around in many, many, new york subway stations, the perpetually backed up basement toilet doesn't smell that unbearable.
-my parents haven't said anything about my tattoo... (yes, i've got a scanner working finally, & no, it didn't hurt that much after maybe the first five minutes.) i got it done at kingdom tattoos the night/morning before i was due to leave, kinda as a permanant souvenier; i got to choose music to get tattooed by & now the cure's bloodflowers is inextricably linked in my mind with that buzzing needle-noise...

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

i did something really horrible today...

i can now number myself among those who have paid more than $4 for a glorified cup of coffee at starbucks -- i still can't get the oily whipped-cream taste out of my mouth.

i don't want to leave manhattan but i'm going back to toronto tomorrow. you mark my words, i'll be back.

if you're in the area, go to rainbow records on 130 1st avenue & buy as many things as you can possibly afford: the shop owner was apparently the only music store-guy in all of downtown manhattan who've heard of bellevue & had a copy of their cd.

i haven't done any of the typical tourist-things but i've helped a guy pack up his apartment, eaten takeout for nearly every meal, & fallen asleep on the train.

i like the subway system here.

...a bit run down, but i'm ok.

Monday, August 22, 2005

i feel safe in new york city

-which is the bad thing... i'd thought it'd be more alien . i got the hang of the buses almost immediately & i'm getting fairly comfortable with the subway (i only got properly lost once, when i confused the f train &the q train's station u with each other). no one tried to mug or proposition me or anything fun like that -- but that probably has more to do with the fact that i look (& smell) like a bum than because i'm physically intimidating. tourists etc. actually tend to think i'm a native (maybe my 'another fuckin' tourist' t-shirt is taken as sarcasm rather than literal truth?) & ask me for directions & stuff & get all surprised when i tell them i'm canadian (fyi: not all canadians speak french, so stop asking me that). & it doesn't matter that i don't have the accent -- the only people i've heard with a 'genuine' noo yawk accent were bus drivers & other working-class blokes (yep, no girls for some reason).
-the amount of mega-chainstores & whatnot that are here & also have branches in toronto are friggin' scary; it's like cities are the same the world over & they're just gonna keep on homogenizing until the world looks like las vegas. times square made me sick. i think i'd have liked the new york of decades past better.
-fellow travellers: if you're of legal drinking age in your own country but not in the states, show the guy your passport & see if that works -- it did for me.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

["woohoo!, "booyah!", that stupid 'raise the roof' gesture, & every other asinine expression of exuberance you can think up]

i bought my plane tickets & i'll be in nyc by tomorrow evening!
&, no, in case you were wondering, i'm not done my chemistry yet: there's still the rest of today, tonight & next morning to finish up (there's still one more 100-pg "booklet" to go) but there's absolutely no more time to have something resembling a summer holiday if i don't go now. at worse, i'll be staying up nights to finish up my stuff while i'm there.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

some more navel-gazing

i did a search for some keywords in the blog itself & this is what i found:
-the word 'fuck' appeared in 6 posts out of 66 (from my first post to the one before this one)
- 'shit' in 7 posts
-'tequila' & 'beer' in 4 posts each
"shut up & start chugging" seems to be the order of the day...

i feel like suicide

ok, i don't, not really, it just feels like something crawled down my throat & decided to die there & it wasn't even alcohol-induced but rather came from some herbal tea i was drinking -- but where's the drama in that? as i can't see myself trying to carry miscellaneous baggies of unidentified dried vegetable matter onto any sort of plane without raising undue suspicion, & i'm too cheap to throw them away, i've been trying to drink all of it before the end of august. this of course means that the more disgusting flavours i bought in ill-considered fits of curiosity (marzipan, anyone?) are pretty much what's left by this point in time.

one day, i'll figure out how to combine mimes, fruitcake & bagpipes into an awesome weapon of mass distraction...

Monday, August 15, 2005

"cheap and angsty", eh? i'll show you cheap & angsty!

You Are an Iced Coffee

At your best, you are: hyper, modern, and athletic

At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty

You drink coffee when: you're out with friends

Your caffeine addiction level: medium
What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Your Scorpio Drinking Style

If anyone tells you you've had enough, you'll smirk and keep tippling until you're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite.
You like to drink, and screw anyone who has a problem with that.
You see the sauce as something to savor in itself... and not as a personality-altering tool.

If you're depressed, you get self-loathing and seek total obliteration.
But generally, you're a fascinating drinking pal, brilliant conversationalist and dizzying flirt.
You also remember everything -- especially what everyone did when they were blitzed.
Only people you *like* should drink with you!
Your Signature Cocktails
Just as you can look someone in the eye and smile while secretly plotting their demise, so does the brandy-laced Scorpian Stinger's sweet taste hide a potent amount of alcohol. But you abhor tropical drinks, and you will turn up your nose if you're served a scorpian. You rule watermelon, so break a pitcher of watermelon margaritas will seduce you -- though red wine will do the trick just as well.
Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies
Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bill Gates, Demi Moore, Jenny McCarthy, Tara Reid, P. Diddy, and Owen Wilson.

What's Your Alcohoroscope?
... because i'm feeling lazy & yet compelled to post something.

Sunday, August 14, 2005


smarm & other dumb things in life

1. calling someone "baby" only works in songs
2. always remember to waterproof all baked goods you're going to spraypaint.
3. they're called 'muscle shirts' for a reason.
4. explode if you have to, but don't fart in an elevator.
5. cosmetics just makes you uglier if you're already ugly.
6. having your girlfriend/wife always walking a half step behind you doesn't make you more of a man.
7. i won't rob you in broad daylight: don't look at me like that.
8. i don't want your stinkin' girlfriend, either. no need to swagger & walk past with your crotch leading the way (as if it's not already obvious that that's what you think with).
9. boobs are not public property.
10. don't get tattoos on areas that get real saggy with age. you don't wanna be a grandma with a jizz-target butterfly over your ass crack.

Saturday, August 13, 2005


why do all guidebooks on new york city have to focus almost completely on manhattan? at first i didn't mind much but now that i've found someone to stay with through who happens to live in a part of brooklyn that's closer to coney island than anything else, it's starting to worry me that i won't know where the hell i am more than it's 'character-building' to be since i'll be on foot/relying on the subway the whole time.(i suppose i ought to be thankful that i'm not staying out in the nether reaches of queens, eh?)
at least i'm no stranger to playing the part of the blank faced commuter -- although toronto's transit system looks retardedly simple compared to the ny one: we only have 4 lines, with 2 of them being mere vestigal afterthoughts.
i haven't even bought my tickets yet. i'm actually making relatively good progress with my chemistry, however, maybe because the end of summer vacation is coming up & it's finally getting through to my literally-don't-think-about-tomorrow brain that i'm running out of time.
there's a part of brooklyn acronymed "dumbo" (in the tradition of 'soho' & 'tribeca')... dont'cha think it's gone too far?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

sell me back to rock and roll

in another attempt to make some money without actually working for it, i tried to submit this blog to google's "adsense" program...yes, i was gonna sell out on my value & integrity just for an extra bit of revenue. me, with my rants on conformity & all that shit, was gonna go commercial -- can you believe it? while admittedly it was partly out of curiosity as to what kinds of ads i'd get for the presumed 'target audience' of this blog, it was mostly financially motivated: now i'd have to sell off some of my possessions to make up the difference betreen the cash i have in my bank account & the price of plane tickets to new york & halifax (it's actually cheaper to take a plane than a greyhound bus... weird, huh? i thought it'd be the other way around)
...anyway, this is a quote i pulled straight from their e-mail of rejection:

"We've found that your website contains content that isn't in compliance with our program policies. We don't allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense."

aw, now that's too bad: i'm crushed & now will summarily go off to some dank, dark corner to slit my wrists & weep 'til the mascara runs down my cheeks like so much night-black, razor-laced pain-droplets. ah, the exquisite agony that is cetera, et cetera

honestly, it is for moments like this that i continue to live. thank you, google, for reaffirming my faith in the smallmindedness of humanity.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

these things are so very addictive

but i really ought to get back to my chemistry...

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||| 26%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||| 30%
Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||| 42%
Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 58%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 42%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 50%
Your main type is 5
Your variant is self pres

Main Type
Overall Self
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

you too can build a shining past with the help of blogger

...asides from being able to change the year of one's post to the future, one could also change the date to the past.

so if i felt like reminiscing now about a winter trip to gay paree i had when i was seven with mumsy & dear old dad, i could go back in pseudotime & create that trip & that family. of course, this would be more plausible if i was older & had a childhood that was further off in the past.

i believe i will have several trips to the city of light in the next couple of years. just check back in say, 20 years or so.

shut up. shut up. shut up.

why can't my sister just shut up? she's been arguing with my mom literally ever since she woke up. she hates my guts & even got me arrested three years ago. the only time i see her smiling is when she's screaming at someone. my mom's got bruises along both her arms 'cause she hits her ( we're our own dysfunctional-family reality show) when she gets too...'excited', shall we say -- not to imply too much that she gets off on it; & the fights are all about stupid, inconsequential things. one of today's topics was how my mom doesn't love her because she won't buy soda & how the reason why there's no soda is because my mom wants her to die of thirst & if anything bad happens to her throat it's all her fault & all that teenaged melodrama that i'm sure she's learned from the soap operas she follows religiously (at the risk of sounding like an old fart, i was never like that when i was her age [15]). truth is, one of the big incentives of me deciding to do university out of province was that i'd be able to get the fuck away from her. i'm worried about my other sister though & how she'll cope with the bitch queen when i'm gone. i've long since given her my radio & the good headphones so she could block out the 24-hour aural torture that is life at home, but she spends so much time in her room & doesn't come out unless she knows no-one'll start in on her (the bitch hates 13-year old metalheads too, apparently). she's even more unheathily pale than i am, but she has friends & something resembling a social life so she'll probably be fine & not grow up to become another me.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


i seem to be experiencing technical difficulties... most interesting. guess i'll get the hang of this picture-posting thingie eventually.
in any case, if you'd actually care to see the pix, click the link, do the quiz & then click the "see all results" button at the end. "i'm" the mopey looking guy with emo-hair on the very bottom of the page.

why the hell not...

If you were a Anime character you would look like this (With great Anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

(actually, if you mutilated the shit out of his hair & gave him way fuller lips, it'd come close to what i look like. freaky, eh?)

how's this for disgusting?

i couldn't concentrate so i went downstairs to look for food & ended up eating most of a can of roasted eels in some sort of jelly & a bunch of semi-cooked shrimp with pasta sauce washed down with a bottle of heineken (a case of which i bought solely for the cool bottle caps; i'm more of an ale person). now i'm telling y'all about it because i still can't concentrate & it's too hot to do anything more intelligent.
i suck.

'generation gap?' chasm, more like

a couple of days ago my mom took & hid all my beer "for my own good", she says. last night i stole it back & drank all of it in one go so that she'd be unable to re-confiscate it; she found out & just started crying... i still feel like an asshole for that. an unrepentant asshole, though. i mean, i did buy it with my own money & all that, & it's my choice if i want to die of liver failure when i'm 50. besides, she ought to have known after raising me for 19 years that the almost surefire way of getting me to do something was to forbid me from doing it without a reasonable explaination.i don't get it. she talks all the time about how 'when she was my age' she never did all the things i do: she didn't go out after dark; she didn't drink; she didn't talk back; she had a job; she never gave her parents any trouble, & in fact did anything they asked & did it joyfully to boot... all that crap that i won't be telling my kids because i won't ever be having any -- i know that i'm too screwed up mentally to be a good/ halfway decent parent & the world is already overpopulated so i'm not doing anybody a diservice by not pushing out babies.

also, no chemistry got done because the side effect of downing a week's supply of beer last night = losing an entire day's time due to passing out & not waking up until like an hour ago. yay.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

sic in transit

i've taped black garbage bags over my window to keep the sunlight out. i feel puke-y from having drank nothing but water (i miss booze, but i promised myself no alcohol until i'm completely done all my chemistry stuff) & sleeping in my chair. i haven't been outside for almost a week now.