Friday, June 30, 2006

yeah, life is interesting still, full of sex & drugs, blah, blah, yadda, yadda. went to a nude beach for the first time some days ago, managed to get myself down to nothing but a sarong, underpants, & a couple of safety pins...full-blown nudity will occur next time.

too bad y'all can't see it.

Friday, June 23, 2006


if sex is the breakfast of champions, then i'm a loser only half the time.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

remember when my life was boring enough to warrant at least a post a day?

i haven't slept in my own bed since last wednesday & tomorrow's the start of another 4-day weekend...

- my assmeats remain intact & unruptured.

- got my butt smacked by a good-looking woman for the first time.

- was offered crystal at a party but turned the guy down. (see? i do have some self-restraint)

- missed out on a street festival with free beer because i was watching the boyfriend get suspended from a tree by meathooks in his back.

...& more news from the relationship front: another woman's been added to jack's harem.

not much angst this time around -- all it took was a couple of beers & sticking another safety pin in my ear for me to come to terms with sharing him with her; this mostly has to do with the fact that she's a friend whom i already like & even look up to instead of a dumpling-shaped loser. i've slept mostly nude in the same bed with her [all hot girl-on-girl action will be promptly noted here, of course] & she's taken to calling me 'sweetie.'

i'll be happy as long as i get a few more kisses & nipple tweaks than she does...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

in through the out hole

(hooray for makeup sex!)
the rear portal has most definitely been breached.
i'll report any signs of internal bleeding or incontinence.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

more real-life drama

drinking like in the bad old days, tossing back my last bottle of chartreuse like it's water...

my quandary du jour is this: i dislike my principal lover's newly acquired auxillary but have no real veto power. my piece on the side [the yoga-y guy, who for some reason wants to go by the alias 'xavier' on my blog despite being neither bald, crippled, nor a leader of mutants] disapproves of my primary's [my drug-dealing, chain-smoking pirate, hereafter known as 'jack' -- as in "jack sparrow," or perhaps "jack daniel's" -- for narration's sake] dodgy personal hygiene but can do fuck-all about my taste in it'd be Very Hypocritical of me to prevent her from joining his harem...

see? normal people don't have to worry about shit like this.

my sunday night/monday morning could be blamed on her. goth night? her idea. i'd already done it once in february & literally passed out in my beer from boredom but that was her weekly thing & jack suggested a double date, lets-get-to-know-each-other kind of thing with me, him, her, & her asexual roomate. i had my mini i'm-no-longer-goth epiphany the second i walked into the place & although i tried to be nice & all, just her brand new bauhaus t-shirt, pre-ripped fishnets, & mall-goth pants was enough to put her permanently on my shitlist.

(the fact that she's 8 years my elder & therefore ought to know better just makes it worse. one sure way to make me simultaneously lose all respect for & get frustrated by someone is by acting like a petulant 15-year old -- especially if he or she is pushing 30. being so obviously scared of me despite outweighing me by about 40 pounds doesn't help either.

i mean, lady, you managed to quit crystal meth & raise an extremely articulate 9-year old son on your own, so you must be doing something right so why don't you act. your. fucking. age?)

at some point during the night, i offered to fight her for him...


it's around here (ie: 4-ish in the morning & halfway through my bottle of chartreuse) that i pass out from sheer boozy emo-ness. i woke up not an hour ago to an email from jack saying that she is out of the running & "no longer an issue [...] lol" (he's one of less than 5 people in the world who i'll not think less of for abusing the english language so.) so i'm posting this unfinished piece anyway just to mark the first time email made me cry.

...isn't postmodern love grand?

(& monday's self-administered ketamine overdose? that was my misguided attempt at sociability: i was conciously trying to sedate myself to put her at ease -- because there's no ego-boost like seeing your rival chemically lobotomized -- & of course i ended up in a vomit-soaked heap on her brand new hardwood floor...which probably scarred her more than mere violence would have. lol.)

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

these 4-day weekends'll be the death of me...

friday: spent it chemically augumented & drinking people's unattended beers.

saturday: afterparty.

sunday: goth night; i've officially outgrown goth -- everybody in the 'vancouver scene' buys their boots at the same store.

monday: managed to o.d. myself with a quarter gram of ketamine & spent a time-warpy 2 hours puking my guts out & Seeing Things.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

found headline of the night:
"archbishop of canterbury to shave arse for telethon."

this guy is utterly, batshit brilliant:

...witness exhibits a, b, & c.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


hail satin!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

the perils of modern gothic living

- walking through the rainy streets in 20 degree weather while wearing a floor-length pvc trenchcoat.

- walking through the rainy streets in 20 degree weather while wearing a floor-length pvc trenchcoat & carrying a taped-up parcel, trying to ignore the group of idiots behind me making explody noises & talking pointedly about bombs.

- walking through the rainy streets in 20 degree weather while wearing a floor-length pvc trenchcoat & carrying a taped-up parcel, trying to ignore the group of idiots behind me making explody noises & talking pointedly about bombs & then getting the hem of my trenchcoat caught in an escalator.