sporadic fulfilment

the holidays were crap. as per usual, "family time" turned into 'lets scream at each other time' & i think i made my mother cry...i normally don't do that. pretty hard to celebrate christmas if even birthdays go unrecognized (who cares about the birth of someone who may not have existed?). 'boxing day week' (what a stupid phrase) was a bit better, if only because rampant consumerism is secular & universal. got myself one of those archetypal Long Black Coats that every other post-columbine manson-loving freak has -- i had my eye on the thing for months & really, really wanted the coat (i also needed something for winter: my tailcoat doesn't have real buttons). even so, i had to justify buying something i've seen on at least 2 other people by safety-pinning on a homemade patch that says "PUNK like everybody else" with trademarked-anarchy signs on either side. it's hard, being different. the reactions i get are amazing though, with just the addition of a LBC to my usual ensemble, weird looks are doubled, & there's more empty space around me even on crowded buses -- no one wants to jostle the freak & have it pull out a uzi & use it on the crowd... everyone should get a LBC just for that (or get pregnant. there's usually people who'll give up their seat to a pregnant woman on every bus) but then i'd have to stop wearing mine & start dressing like a lable-whore. oh yeah, no new year's resoloutions this year; i'm still working on last year's.